Fluffer Page 10

  All I’d done for the past week was rehash over and over that scene and what Molly saw that sent her running. She knew Raven was the only person I ever worked with who couldn’t get me hard, so then why would it be a surprise when I responded to Trina?

  Her words kept coming back to me... you kissed the tip of her nose... you held her like you did me.

  Had I? Honestly, I hadn’t consciously done those things to Trina. I guess it was more a habit than anything else, and realizing that gave me remorse because Molly was very special to me. Sure, Trina and I always had a good relationship, believable chemistry. She wasn’t the only one I had that with, though. Most of my costars and I got along.

  Maybe since all I’d been was cold and indifferent toward Raven, Molly assumed I treated all my costars that way? Which in itself was ridiculous. I couldn’t stand Raven. This stunt she pulled getting Molly to the set proved my point. The woman was a ruthless bitch. It was no wonder my dick didn’t respond to being in her presence.

  I glanced at my watch and only then did I have any indication on how far I’d run. Two hours seemed like no time at all, even as my legs felt like jelly and my head pounded with a headache. Yet, no matter how much I tortured myself, my insides still hurt as if she shredded them. Using my shirt to wipe the sweat off my face, evidence of how hard I pushed my body was found in the darkened soaked fabric.

  As I saw my building come into view, I knew she’d be at work already. Despite how hard I tried to time my coming and going in hopes I’d run into her, not once had I seen her in a week. Every call and text went unanswered as well. It was like she became a ghost, no trace of her existence when we lived right next door to one another. I actually wondered if she had moved out.

  Just as I slowed my pace and entered the lobby, Tommy exited the elevator glancing down at his phone. It didn’t take long for him to look up and notice me. Rather than give me the once-over with his roaming eyes in a way that I had become accustomed to, they turned into slits as he glared at me. Even though I knew he was pissed off, he was my lifeline to Molly.

  “Hey,” I said as casually as I could with a nod of my chin. “How’s Molly.”

  Tommy stopped and just stared at me for a long moment. “She’s a mess,” he finally said. “You fucked up.”

  Beads of sweat continued to drip from my temples down to the collar of my T-shirt. “It wasn’t intentional. I don’t even know what I did. I mean, I know, but I still don’t understand.”

  He shook his head, and we both moved to the side, away from the residents who were coming and going. “I don’t know what to tell you except once Molly sets her mind to something, there isn’t much anyone can do to change it. It was a miracle she signed your contract to begin with.”

  “I love her.” I raked my fingers through my sweat-soaked hair. “I just need her to know that.”

  Tommy’s gave his head a slight shake. “She knows.”

  “Then what else can I do?”

  “Look, Molly is my best friend... she’s like family to me. If you love her the way you say you do, then you’ll know what needs to happen. Anything less than that won’t make a difference.”

  Even through his evasiveness, I understood what he was referring to. All I could do was nod because didn’t he think I had tried that already? Better yet, didn’t she know that I wanted the same? “Thanks, Tommy. Take care of her.”

  “Always.”

  It didn’t matter that my legs were on fire, I opted to take the stairs two-by-two until I got to my apartment. As soon as I opened the door, I noticed the check I gave Molly laying on my floor. What the hell? No note. No explanation. Just her earnings. If I didn’t want her to have it so badly, I would have crumpled it in my sweaty palm, but this was hers whether she wanted it or not.

  The woman infuriated me, yet I still loved her. Maybe that was what sparked that emotion. At first, she didn’t give me the time of day. But after she did everything changed, and I couldn’t get away from it.

  Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Molly. The way her face flushed when she rode out an orgasm or the way she’d bite her lip when she prepared me for a scene. Sadly, the one image I couldn’t shake from my memory was the despondent look she gave me after my scene with Trina.

  I jumped in the shower and let the water do it’s best to wash away my frustrations, but it didn’t work. All I kept thinking of was when Molly said I treated Trina just as I did her. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Maybe I couldn’t understand because I was so desensitized in regards to my profession and sex with female costars. Either way, there was nothing I could do to go back and change that moment.

  Go back. Molly said she wished she could erase the past few weeks... the weeks we spent together. If she wanted to hurt me, she succeeded.

  After I dried off and got dressed, I grabbed my phone noticing I missed a call from my agent. Pressing the green button, I called him back.

  “Trent, it’s good to hear from you. How’s my favorite client?” Favorite because I made him a shit-ton of money.

  “Hey, Charles. I’m fine, but we need to talk about...”

  Without pause, he interrupted my thought. “I spoke to Jerry. He said you were fantastic and this movie will be huge. He has another project for you, but before we discuss that, Bryce O’Connell called and wants you in New York. The next one is even bigger, Trent. More money than the last two movies combined. Your costar will be none other than Marissa Stone. The last movie you two made soared and with the budget Bryce has secured, not to mention the location, it will be phenomenal. I’ve drawn up the contract and will email it to you.”

  He might have well been telling me he wanted to set my body on fire because it had the same appeal. “No, I don’t want to go to New York.” The thought of not being near Molly hurt, but continuing in my career after all that happened would hurt far more.

  “What are you talking about? Do you realize what you’d be passing up? The salary alone would set you up for a year. As your agent, I can’t let you do that.”

  “As my agent,” I corrected with a low stern voice, “you work for me, and I said, no.”

  It was clear the direction I needed to take my career to. Sure, in the past I had tried, but my motivation had changed. “I’d like to set up a meeting with you and discuss my future. If you aren’t on board with me making significant changes, tell me now, and I’ll find an agent who will be.”

  Little did he know, I already had planned on putting a few feelers out there. Yes, I made a lot of money, but love is priceless, and I wasn’t willing to give it up.

  A loud huff came through the receiver. “Fine. Meet me in my office in an hour.” Deep down I knew Charles wanted the best for me. He wasn’t keen on me venturing into porn until the royalty checks started rolling in. All I needed was one legit break to get my career back on the path I’d always dreamt of.

  I disconnected the call and flopped down on my couch. The check Molly returned flashed at me like a beacon on a lighthouse. It would be simple for me to slide it back under her door, but from what I knew of Molly, she’d just volley it back to me. It would be an ongoing battle and one I wasn’t ready to lose. The next time I gave her this check, it would be in her pretty little hand.

  Molly

  As always, my day was boring. I scheduled meetings, typed up a few letters and memos, and all while sitting in that bleak office, I thought of Trent. “I love you, Molly.” Those four words played over and over again in my head like a song on repeat.

  It took every ounce of strength to get dressed, go to work, and even more strength not to break down in a fit of tears. I’d never been so thankful to have an office with a door which I kept closed most of the day.

  Just like when I was in school, each time I looked at the clock waiting for the dismissal bell, I swore the little hand clicked backward prolonging the day. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the bell rang indicating I only had one hour left to endure before I could go home.

  H
ome. The same building where Trent lived. What would I do if I saw him? There was no doubt he found the check I slid under his door and was upset that I did so. But, what choice did I have? How could I accept that money?

  When I told Tommy my rationale for returning the money, he thought I was insane and reminded me that Trent said he loved me. As I laid in bed last night all I could think of was how much I loved Trent. How in such a short amount of time that man got under my skin and made his way into my heart.

  Going from such a high after our romantic picnic, to crashing down to the depths of hell watching him with Trina, ruined me. I’d never been one to have emotionless sex even when I told myself that was all it was... just sex. My heart always got in the way, and the barricade I had up came crashing down because of my feelings for Trent. There was no doubt it would take a long time for me to feel that way about a man again... actually, I was sure no man could make me feel like Trent did.

  When it was finally time to leave work, I headed home and scanned the lobby through the glass door before yanking it open. I wasn’t prepared to see Trent, and thankfully, he wasn't there.

  When I walked into my apartment, Tommy greeted me with a hug. “Did you have a good day, dear?”

  I laughed and inhaled a sweet aroma coming from the kitchen. “Do I smell brownies?”

  “Yes, I made your favorite. Chocolate peanut butter with marshmallows. Go change and then let’s devour that pan. I’ll get two forks.”

  I laughed for the first time today. “I’ll be right back.”

  Tommy and I sat on the couch with a pan of chocolatey goodness between us. We both moaned with each forkful. “How was your day?” I asked, not wanting to discuss mine.

  “It was good. Nothing too exciting. Except, I saw Trent this morning. That man is hurting badly.” I slid the fork out of my mouth and arched my brows. “Okay, I know he acted like an insensitive jerk, but I can’t help but feel for the guy.”

  What in the hell? “Are you kidding me? You feel sorry for him?”

  “Molly, you’re my best friend, so I’d be remiss not to tell you the truth. Yes, I feel sorry for him. The guy looked like shit.”

  “He did?”

  Tommy’s lips quirked to the side. “No. He just came back from a run and looked sweaty and delicious, but I didn’t think you wanted to hear that. But that was just his exterior. The man is in pain.”

  “What did he say?” When Tommy hesitated probably for my own good, I added, “I won’t break down, I promise. Please tell me.”

  “He said he loved you and then told me to take care of you.”

  I set my fork down and wiped my mouth on a napkin. “What did you say?”

  “That I’d always take care of you. I know at this moment you hate him, but...”

  “No. No buts. I’m hollow inside right now. That’s how I feel. Like there is a gaping hole inside of my chest, and he put it there. I’ve cried so much, I don’t have any tears left. I can’t be with him knowing when I say, have a good day at work, translates to, have fun fucking a random woman today. Seeing his relationship with Raven jaded the reality of his job. But the fact remains, he doesn’t just have sex with Raven. He has sex with many other women, and most of them he likes, he gets along with, he doesn’t need help getting it up. I don’t have it in me to pretend that’s okay.”

  Tommy nodded. “Okay, I won’t bring it up again.”

  “Thank you. Now, since we finished dessert, what should we have for dinner?”

  After sifting through a few menus, we ordered take-out from my favorite Chinese restaurant and just like we did the brownies, we sat on the couch and enjoyed it. Nothing more was said about Trent or my feelings. Tommy and I fell back into our routine of him telling me details I missed while away and making me laugh with each story.

  The hardest part of my day was sleeping. Without fail, as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I closed my eyes, there was only one person I knew I’d be dreaming of. I supposed in a way maybe that wasn’t a bad thing since that was all I had left of Trent.

  Chapter 16

  Trent

  Three months later

  My agent, Charles, had once said to me that doing porn was only a detour and the universe’s way of steering me in the right direction.... truer words couldn’t have been spoken. Because, without taking that detour, I wouldn’t have propositioned Molly, I wouldn’t have fallen in love, and I wouldn’t have forced my agent to get me out of the porn business in hopes of getting her back.

  That day, I walked into his office consumed with doubt and wondering if I could truly transition into being Trent Baker. There was so much at stake, and the pressure to cross over into legitimate acting roles caused panic within me.

  I was prepared to do absolutely anything to get out of adult films. That toothpaste commercial I once scoffed at no longer seemed a waste of my time. In fact, I’d probably agree to dress up as a toothbrush at a dental convention in order to get me that commercial. Desperation didn’t look good on me. But being desperate was an understatement, and I meant it when I said I’d do anything.

  Of course, my agent laughed at my newfound willingness to aim my aspirations at the bottom of the acting food chain. Thankfully, Charles chose not to entertain my suggestions and stepped it up by handing me a few addresses for auditions that were casting at that moment. The pay was shit compared to what I was used to, but each small role could possibly lead to better opportunities.

  Two days later, I had offers from three of the four and chose a guest spot on a cable series with a high-profile director. The show was shot in Vancouver, and my guest appearance was supposed to be two episodes that ended up leading to five. Originally, I hadn’t wanted to leave LA, but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

  Over the past three months, I busted my ass and impressed not only the director but, Todd Wahls, the executive producer. Todd’s next project was an indie film he felt passionate about, and on the last day of shooting offered me another small role in that movie. Taking each opportunity as a stepping stone, I easily agreed, secured employment for the next few months in Los Angeles, and would start shooting in two weeks. Again, the pay sucked but I no longer cared. I had plenty in the bank to hold me over until bigger and better projects came along. And more importantly, I was back home.

  Every night for the past three months, as I lay in my hotel room bed thinking of Molly, I would text the same message to remind her she was never out of my thoughts. And every night after I sent that text, I’d wait for some indication she would reply... yet, one never came. It never stopped me from sending them. I wasn’t even sure she saw or received them. I considered contacting Tommy to check up on her, the only thing stopping me was fear that she had moved on.

  So instead, I sent that same text every night—I miss you. I need you. I love you. I prayed that once I got back, I could convince her to give me another chance... to give us another chance.

  To my surprise dancing dots appeared on my screen for the first time in months sending my pulse racing.

  Hi. How are you?

  Awful. I miss you so much it hurts.

  I don’t want you to feel that way.

  I never meant to hurt you, Molly. Trina is not who is important to me. You are. I want you.

  It took a while for her to reply, and I hoped my last statement got through to her.

  I can’t be what you need me to be. You deserve someone who is more understanding, more supportive.

  Ignoring her, I forced the issue. I’ll be home tomorrow. I need to talk to you.

  Again the dots danced on my phone, making it feel like an eternity passed before I finally saw her response.

  There’s no need. I forgive for what happened with Trina. You’re an extremely talented actor, but I’m not the right woman for you. Maybe we can be friends one day.

  Friends?

  I WILL see you tomorrow, Molly.

  ***

  Walking into my building for the first time in months had my nerves
spiking for obvious reasons. I had no idea how I would even begin to get Molly to hear me. She never responded to my last text, not that I expected her to. I wasn’t entirely sure she’d agree to see me in person. Her words had a finality to them that scared me.

  Anxious and eager to get to her, I dumped my crap inside my apartment, tucked the new script and her check into my back pocket, and headed right for her door. Since I didn’t have a plan, I’d just have to ambush her... pathetic as it was. From day one, Molly always responded to my actions much better than my words.

  I inhaled a deep breath and knocked on the door, not expecting a response. My heart slammed in my chest when I heard her sweet voice ask, “Who is it?”

  “Trent.” She opened the door and just seeing her brought a smile to my face. Molly looked sexy as fuck in her running clothes. Her skin glistened, wisps of her hair that came loose from her ponytail caused a need in me to tuck them behind her ear. Forcing that urge back, I said, “You look beautiful.”

  Molly looked at her running shoes before meeting my eyes. “I look like shit.”

  A deep laugh erupted out of me. This was the Molly I knew and wanted to have back in my life. “Are you alone?” I looked over her shoulder at her empty apartment hoping Tommy wasn’t there.

  “Yes, Tommy is at work.”

  “What does he do that he’s working on a Saturday?”

  “Dogwalker to the elite.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “No.” A brilliant smile spread over her face at hearing my second chuckle.

  “Can I come in?”

  Molly stepped aside allowing me to pass. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “No, thank you. Come and sit down with me.” Molly followed me to her sofa keeping a cushion of distance between us. “I need you to hear me out.”

  She twisted her hands on her lap and nodded. “Okay.”